Love and Tears

For the past year, I think I have been on automatic overdrive. I don't think there is such a term but I hope you get the picture. There are things I am responsible for, I do them and move on to the next chore. Whether it be at home, church, work or play. I take one project at a time, finish it and move on to the next. Never planning to far ahead.
My emotions have been in the same gear. I cannot remember the last bout of tears. My thought process has only assimilated the immediate project at hand. I knew I had not turned callous but I have become matter of fact. Yes, my heart still hurts at things but I simply choose not to let emotions get involved. You know that when a young mother comes into your place of work and has to order a casket spray for her stillborn babe there is no way you don't want to walk around the counter and give them a hug.
My week just seemed to come tumbling down this week. My boss had yet another surgery this week. I worry for his health, and when he is gone, my day consist of being inside the four walls of the shop from 7 or earlier to 4:45. I miss the getting out and seeing people as I deliver flowers to them. I sat on pins and needles waiting on updates of my boss. I found out this week a long time acquaintance has some very serious health issues. I have ladies in my Sunday School class that are dealing with family issues. Three of them have encountered deaths in their family in the last few months. Three of them are dealing with aging parents on a daily basis. Then I have the friend who had a nephew killed and I know her hurt along with her daughters' hurt as well as knowing the young man that was killed. Then I had a friend tell me last night he was having a health flare up. The weather has been bad and Doug has been dealing with his asthma the last few days.
To add the fact that there was a job change in our house a couple of months ago and I constantly worry about my grown children and everything that happens in their lives. One daughter-in-law has been having health issues that have not been diagnosed. Another has a tear in her knee requiring surgery probably pretty soon.
In saying all that, let me explain that when I care, I worry, I take everything to heart. I guess I am the martyr of worrying. Last night after I found out about the death of the young man, that was my melting spot. All the tears that I had pent up for so long finally broke loose. The tears have been in abundance. Maybe it is good. Maybe it is bad. At present it is simply a fact. I cry as I write this.
As I prepared to teach the Sunday School lesson this morning the lesson was from Philippians 4 . The wrap up of Paul telling us to be joyous in every situation. Funny (ironic) that this was the one morning that I couldn't plaster a smile on my face and take Paul's word to heart. There were simply too many people hurting in that room.
Funny, the song I am listening to right now is "The Way we Were". Memories. Good ones, bad ones. They all shape our lives. Don't worry about me. I will be okay and put my shield back up. May take a day or two but I will put back on my strong persona and keep on trucking. I may not be as good a friend as I need to be to all while I am having my pity party but I will rebound.
I love my family...I love my friends...and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for those I care about if it is within my realm of capabilities. If I count you as friend, know that you are loved and there is a spot for you in my heart. My heart will grow with every friend I meet. There is room for you all. I hope you feel the same way.
If you are my friend or my family I hope you can come to me with what is on your heart and talk and know that I will listen and not judge. My ears are always open for friends and family. I might have to squeeze a time slot in for you but I want to be there for all that I love.
So until I write a touch of prose again...
Love makes the world go round !!
Vera