Some times we reach a spot in our lives that we don't know which fork in the road to take . Didn't one of the great writers tell us to take the road less traveled? I am not for sure that is the right path for me but I am taking the road I haven't ever traveled before. It makes me scared but at the same time I must find myself and search out my happiness. I have no idea where my happiness lies but I do know where it isn't. It isn't with me right now.
Some times people have dreams that make them doubt the decisions they make. Last night I had a dream I cannot even recant but when I woke up this morning I knew I was on the right path. I cannot rely on anyone to do it for me. I have to step out on faith that I can do this! It is scary but to grow I must move in this direction, I will stay the ever boring person I have become if I don't.
I have made a lot of mistakes in my life but those mistakes have helped me become who I am. Everyone learns from their mistakes. They just have to make the corrections and not keep repeating the the same boo boos. Maybe I won't find myself this time. Maybe it will take another turn in the road before I do. Maybe I hit pay dirt tomorrow.
I try to stay optimistic all the time but it is hard when you aren't optimistic in your heart. It isn't for everyone to start over but after a long battle with myself , now is the time. I looked in the mirror and found a peace this morning I haven't had in years.
Some of my boys don't understand this. I don't expect them to like it, just accept it.
I trust that people will judge me, but please don't til you walk that mile in my moccasins!
I may even chose a walk in the woods rather than either road right now.
Until later!




Most of you have heard about my bucket list. If not, let's just say I have one and have led a very sheltered life. This weekend I marked another one of my bucket list or poured a little more water out of the bucket. Actually, most all that water went on my right foot where I hung it over a raft for 6 or so hours yesterday . Yes, rafting was on my list. I haven't been in a boat since I was 15. That was the only time I have ever been on a boat in my entire life until this raft. At 15 , one December night after a day spent at Disneyworld, I went out on a lake in Lutz, Florida with a 20 year old that wanted to scare me and boy did he! Full moon and he clipped a gator tail . Yes, I begged him to take me back to shore and he did!
Rafting Sunday was my next boat ride. Let me back up and tell you about my Saturday first! Saturday morning I went to a camping park called Quarry Park just below the dam at Norfork. There was a whole group of us and a little later in the day we went to a swimming area right by the dam. Saturday was my friend Cassy's birthday and she was camping with her friends and all their kiddos. We were all run out of the lake by Mr. Lightning and Mrs. Thunder. Back at the camper we got all the younger ones inside and Cassy and I picked up stuff around the campsite and tucked it away before the storms hit. Big wicked storm but short lived. It was enough however to drop the temp drastically and raise the fog on the water! Hence the beautiful picture!
After the storm passed over there was a small party for Cassy at the campsite. Somewhere between twenty and twenty five eating burgers, dogs , chicken, salads, fruit chips and all kinds of yummys. This was truly a great laid back party. Wish I could plan one so easily. Ashley did an awesome job of it!!!!
After a Saturday night crash, I was up bright and early. Randy and I went to a place called Skippers for breakfast while the world was still quite. Back to pack up, load up and hit the road to Missouri! I was so excited, so scared and did not have a clue what to expect. I can truthfully say the word " snakes" played around in my mind a lot also! Have I mentioned that I am not the greatest outdoors person??? If I haven't now is the time to tell you that snakes chiggers and ticks are not my friend by any stretch of the imagination and we did encounter a snake on Saturday!
Anyway, back to my story. There were 15 of us and three rafts . We made ourselves comfortable and started paddling. At first I am sure my hart was racing about 150 plus a minute! Anxiety was a little high to start but I did have a small distraction to start off the trip that took my mind off fear and by the time I realized it, I was okay in the water. The first mini rapid made my heart a little rapid also but the thrill of bouncing down the water was awesome. We would stop along the way, our raft did the panorama 360 quite a few times and it was always the coolest thing.
It is a shame I spent54 years of my life before i allowed myself to enjoy the water. I kept thinking I wish I had a water proof camera because I saw such beauty as we went down the river. I cannot remember smiling so much in a very long time.
Bucket list entries are a crap shoot. you will either love it or hate it or totally feel indifferent. I had the greatest emotion about it but most all of it was in my heart. I was with people I love, had the most peaceful of days and did not fall in the water. I am a survivor this time!!!!!
Take time to do for yourself. Well, in my case, I had help , but DO NOT wait for the right time. as Nike says....Just do it! If it is something you want to do, even if you don't enjoy it, you will be able to say you did what you wanted to do. I did! Thanks to all who made it special....Randy, Cassy, Brock(who kept me company on the drive up and back home. You rock!), Blair, Adam , Abby, Lindsey, Kee,Ashley, David, Lar-Lar-Gay, Mike and the boys. I had so much fun watching the boys and their silly antics in the water. Oh, and I cannot forget to thank Kee for being my rafting pal and my riding pal. We passed a lot of time together Sunday. You are the bestest, Kee!
When Kee and I sat on the bus to go back I couldn't help thinking "I don't think I could wipe this smile off my face if I tried!"
When Brock and I got in the car to come home and yes we made a wrong turn or two getting to West Plains, I had a contentment I haven't felt in a long time. Sigh!
In case you can' t tell this one gets a two thumbs up.

until next time......