Today America celebrated a birthday. Some celebrated with food, fireworks, family and or family. I celebrated mostly alone by my own choosing.I had a leisurely morning, a shopping trip to the mall, a crowded movie, time checking in with my Facebook friends then a trip to the local mall to set up my folding chair and watch the fireworks. Very boring day.
As I waited in line for the traffic to clear out I felt at peace. I was content. I shed a tear or two. Not because I am sad but because I knew I liked myself enough to enjoy my own company.
I got home, got ready for bed and could not wait to blog. I used to blog every day. I used to force myself to write. I don't force myself to drink buttermilk everyday. I couldn't wait to write tonight. People have come in my life for a reason. People have gone out of my life for a reason. I have regrets along the way but heard someone say yesterday " you can't live for the could of, would of, should of's in life. What you have done makes you who you are". I agree wholeheartedly.
I choose not to make myself a prisoner in my own life. I choose freedom from the past, the chains that bound me growing up, the agony I took as a teenager. I choose to be happy, to look at the sunny side of everything but that doesn't mean I am looking through rosy glasses. The life I am living is real.
I have good memories in life I choose to cherish. I have bad memories I choose to tuck away and desire them never to erupt again. I have had death threats made against me and my parents. I have been harmed. Those things I choose to tuck away.
The things I cherish...... Hmmmmmm, my very first kiss. Something I will never forget. How safe I felt when strong arms held me, some of the very sweet things some of my friends have told me, how proud I am of my boys. The first time I held each of my grand boys . Those are the type of memories that I could think about and drop my blood pressure a whole lot! Yes, those things give me peace and contentment. Those things are what I want to shape me into the person I want to be.
Well, that covers some of the peace and freedom. Now for hope. A very dear friend has given me two "hope " circles. These disc are a symbol of hope for the cure of cancer. She has a brother with a type of cancer so she shared. I don't know if she knew this or not but both of my parents died of cancer. These are very special to me. Brain cancer in '88 for my dad and colon cancer for my mom in '95. being an only child, my family was cute short early in my life. It is hard to believe I have been my only immediate family for 16 years. Yes, I hope there is a cure for cancer tomorrow. Yes, I hope cancer can be stopped or cured in millions of people. I hope cancer doesn't crop it's evil poison around anyone I know, love and care about, but it will .
That isn't the only hope I have. I hope I will continue to be as content with myself as I am today. I hope I continue to meet wonderful people along my life highway. I hope I can be a friend who makes a difference in someones life and I never know it. I hope I can be the best me I know how to be.
Right now those feelings of peace, freedom and hope give me contentment. I hope that might make me a better friend to some. At this time in my life, some do not perceive me as a good person. They are looking at one side, not the whole picture. I hope these people will. See a happy "me" soon and be happy for me also. If they cannot, I will never be able to sway them.
If you have been in my life for a season, whether it is a winter, spring summer or fall, I thank you. You are a part of what has made me who I am today.
Until I write again,
Peace!
